Month: December 2016

Year-end brings about many Top Ten Lists: Top Ten Movies, Albums, Songs, Celebrity Break-Ups. I began to think, “Hey, if Slate, Entertainment Weekly and People, can do a Top Ten List, then, gosh darn it, so can I!”

Many good times with friends and family could over populate this list. If your moment is not here, don’t worry. I value and treasure all these good times (birthday partying with my sisters, Girls’ Night with my gang, summer concerts with new friends, painting parties, etc.).

So, for your reading pleasure, here is Barbara Morrison’s 2016 Top Ten List. In no particular order:

1. Got my piece of the Rock: Correcting the biggest mistake I ever made (worse than cutting my own bangs at 14), I returned my former place of business. I learned the hard way that the grass is not always greener and that I do not enjoy drastic change. But conversely….
2. Unemployment: When I was in it, I did not think it my four-month employment break would get a spot on the list. I was worried about finances and feeling like a failure. Losing my job, albeit one I was not qualified for, kicked me in the gut. However, I’d be lying if I said I did not miss it. No agendas, no alarm clocks, no deadlines, no traffic, no passive-aggressive co-workers who smile when they throw you under the bus. Good times.
3. (Tie) His name is Mike: My four-year-old niece, Maggie, informed us of the name of her new stuffed alligator. We suggested Ally, Crocie and even Elton. But no, it’s Mike. Who’s Mike? Who knows.
4. (Tie) Quote of the year: “Everybody has a dessert spot,” Brielle Morrison, Age Four, April 2016. Absolute brilliance.

Moments with my nieces could take up every Top Ten List published in every December of every year. Nothing that happened in 2016 can top all the snuggles, giggles, fist-pumps and run-and-go hugs.

4. Did you know that he sings: My sister mentioned this as we were swooning over ADA Barba on Law & Order: SVU. Moments later I typed “Raúl Esparza” into the YouTube search bar, found this and – BAM-OH – I had a new crush.  My SVU binge left me with a great appreciation for the Esparza Eye Roll. No one gives better eye roll than my sweet Raúl. One Tip: Do not watch all three seasons of Hannibal in one week. An amazing, unique show, but a little brutal. Although it did keep me on my diet.

I would be remiss if I excluded meeting Mr. Esparza. He is actually more beautiful in person and his hands are very soft. He also complimented Wilco, so points.

5. Wilco at the Capitol Theatre: No, Wilco at the Kings Theatre. No, Wilco at the Mann Theater. Picking my favorite Wilco show is like picking my favorite child, if I had children of varying musical genres. Each is special in its own way. If I had to pick the best Wilco moment of 2016, it is this song. Jeff Tweedy singing for every kid who questioned normalcy, was afraid of normalcy, fought against and even yearned for normalcy. Which I think was all of us.
6. MacGruber and Twitter: This is the year I began to master the hashtag. Twitter love from the famous (Lin-Manuel Miranda liked one of my tweets) and the famous in my world (Robyn Hitchcock replied to my Tweet) is addicting. This culminated with Twitter love and a hug from Will Forte. He even joined the ranks of my 75 Twitter followers! I imagined him reading my blog, thinking that I am the next Tina Fey, and getting me a job writing for Stephen Colbert. Then I saw that he follows over 1,000 people. So . . . not really following me, just a good guy. Dang! Foiled again.
7. 15 minutes of fame. (More precisely, 15 second of fame): Wanna know who won @midnight’s October 27 Hashtag War? ME!!! But trying to explain the Hashtag War to my mom was almost an impossible task, so I dropped it.
8. Planks with shoulder taps: Sounds innocuous enough, but believe me, this is a little bit of torture not included in the Geneva Convention. But much like Hamilton at the Battle of Yorktown, I did not give up my shot and conquered the crap outta this be-atch. In January, I could barely do five. In December, I can get up to 30, baby.
9. Cheaper than therapy: I could not let this list go without Born Again Teen by Lucius. I’ve listened to this song hundreds of times, often on repeat. And every time it makes me smile. Who needs therapy when I can Laaa Lala La le Laaaa the day away. Go on, listen to it. I dare you not to be happy.
10. She ain’t so bad: Evidence provided by my current employer suggests that I am not as bad as I had originally thought. I know, crazy, right? Brick-by-brick I am rebuilding my broken ego that was always perilously fragile. I know that my unfortunate unemployment was worse in my head than in reality, but it did leave a scar.

However, I refuse to drown in self-pity. To paraphrase Hamilton: Scratch that; this is not a pity-party, it’s an improvement.  My name is Barbara Morrison and I need no introduction. When you knock me down I get the fuck back up again!